Category Archives: Dirtie Birdie

The Dirty Tip #3

Contributions by: The Dirty Birdie

In my last golf tip you saw me using alignment rods, (no that was not pee in the snow).  These are one of the easiest training devices on the market.  If you’re not sure how to use them, watch for an upcoming tip, with ways to utilize these great tools.

Before you can use them though, you need to have a set.  Alignment rods are not that expensive, but if I can save you money, no matter how little, I will.  If you look on you can find one from Hank Haney. For one of these, the cost is 14.99 and you need to have two. So you are looking at almost $30 for a couple things that lie on the ground.  Unless Hanks wife is lying on the ground next to them, Hank can keep um’.


 Anyone that has every plowed snow has used a drive-way marker. They are markers, so dudes like me won’t tear your grass up, while plowing the shit ton of snow that has fallen this winter. Normally they don’t work for that, but they are effective as alignment rods for golfers. I swear the guy that invented alignment sticks was a snow plow driver, because these things are the same exact material. While Michigan’s winter is still here, do yourself a favor and head to your local hardware store and buy a pair of these. At Home Depot they are $2.29 a piece, for a grand total of a whopping $4.58 before tax.

You just saved $25.00! Keep reading the Dirty Birdie for more money saving tips that may just save you enough to land a girl like Suzanne Haney. Or, at the very least a lap dance from a girl that looks like her.


The Wasted Open

Contributions By: The Dirty Birdie

If you’re not a fan of golf, then this weekend was made just for you.  The Waste Management Phoenix Open is unlike any tournament stop the PGA offers.  It all culminates on the 16th hole, which by Saturday and Sunday turns into a frat party/golf tournament/caddie race and dance competition.

I love this tournament because it is what golf is to so many of us.  A time to unwind, have fun and do something that one of our friends will make fun of us for later.

There is a reason why this tournament draws the most fans of the year.  More than 500,000 people come to watch golf here.  Most of them probably don’t come for just golf, but that is what the sport needs.  Not everyone goes to a Tigers game to watch just baseball. They go to have a good time, and at the Waste Management Open, a good time is easy to have.


Hole 16 is unlike anything in sports.  Nowhere else can you find 4,500 people, plus all the rich folk in over 200 skybox suites, ready to go into fits of uncontrollable anarchy over a golf shot that takes 8 seconds to complete.  Miss the green off the tee, and players take a walk of shame that would make any Michigan State girl feel proud.  Hit the green and the crowd erupts into pandemonium.  Beer goes flying, girls’ shirts come off (not really) and players feel like they are in an actual sports arena.  It is very cool to watch.

The party doesn’t stop when play is over though.  All four nights of the tournament there is a mini rave set up on the course called “The Birds Nest”.  There is live music, topless women (really), and drinks flowing until 2 in the morning, it’s a Snoop Dog video.  This is my ultimate golf fantasy and is what golf needs.  If more tournaments loosened up a bit and catered to the younger professional, golf could gain so many more followers.  They won’t though.  Maybe it’s a good thing, because I am pretty sure if every tournament was like the Waste Management Open, Tiger would go back to fucking twenty girls a week, John Daly would start drinking on the course again, and Phil Mickelson would still be left looking like the creepy old dude that sits across the street from your kids playground.


The Dirty Tip #2

Contributions By: The Dirty Birdie

During the winter month’s, I have hit the local indoor range a few times.  They have a nice putting green and chipping area, but I hate how the longest you can see the ball travel is 75 yards. Anyone who has a slice knows that the first 75 yards is always the nicest, after that, the ball goes about as straight as a GOP candidate in an airport bathroom. Unfortunately, due to the harsh winters in Michigan, this is really our only avenue for golf from December-March.  Below is a tip that can be done at home and help you gain yards and fix a slice (maybe) when the spring time comes.

If you lack power and want to hit your 9 iron when you would normally hit an 8, ball-first contact is critical.  Of course there are more things that need to go right, but all of those things won’t matter if you ground the club before the ball. My solution is one I thought of while smoking a cigarette one snowy evening.  If you can stand to be outside for 10-15 minutes and there is still snow on the ground, grab a sweater and your favorite club.

I am much more of a visual learner.  If I can see something wrong, normally I can find a way to fix it. The snow offers a great visual tool for when the club contacts the ground. It also can show the path of the club and whether the face is open or closed on impact.

I set up a couple alignment rods to add contrast and placed my club were the ball would be. When the swing is complete you should have a great visual.


In the picture below you can see where my divot is (in front of the ball), and the path of my club (which looks to be going a little left of the target line).


Take a dozen or so swings and see where you are hitting the ground predominately. If you made contact before the ball, you have come into the ball too steep.  There was probably an out-to-in swing path with the club.  This is common for amateurs.  A swing path that is below the swing plane (shallow) is not as common, and mostly happens with low handicap, or scratch golfers. Since that isn’t me, or probably you, we won’t worry about that fix.

The easiest fix I have found for a steep swing is a towel.  Stick the towel under your right armpit (if you’re right handed) and try to take a full swing.  If the towel falls out during the swing, you are coming down too steep. Keep trying to swing with the towel until it won’t fall out.  Now, go back to the snow and take another dozen swings.  You should start to get a good feel for a swing that is “on plane” and the results will show in the snow.

The Dirty Tip #1


Contributions By: The Dirty Birdie

Golf is 98% mental.  I have no math calculation that brought me to this conclusion, just common sense.  On a par 5, you swing the club 5, or 8 times, yet the hole still takes 15 minutes to complete.  Swinging the club takes all of 2 seconds; the rest of your time is spent trying to figure out how to actually swing the club properly.   There is a simple solution that will work for everyone and you don’t even need to practice.  Drink! So many times I have psyched myself out of a shot by over thinking it.  The solution is that pint of whiskey that is a must in the Dirty Bird bag, right next to the golf balls, which is fitting seeing how I have to replace the whisky just as often as the balls.

Before every round take a shot, or two.  This will help calm your nerves that shouldn’t be there in the first place.  We are golfing to have fun, not earn a paycheck, so you might as well enjoy it.  Then after each shot that really pisses you off, take another shot.  Before long you will either be so relaxed that you forget to care and you hit great shots, or you hit bad shots and forget to care because you’re so relaxed. It’s a win-win.