Category Archives: Pistons

Mo Cheeks Fired as Pistons Coach

Mo Cheeks Fired as Pistons Coach

Contribution by M. Jones

The Motown community was awakened by a siren out of Auburn Hills this morning. I think this lady captures the general reaction nicely.

After an underwhelming start to the 2013 season with a record of 21-29, the Pistons fired head coach Mo Cheeks. With it being only 50 games into the 2014 season, the firing will go down as one of the fastest ever. Only 4 coaches in NBA history have been fired more quickly than Cheeks within their first full season as head coach.

In the past 10 years, this organization has parted ways with 7 coaches. That doesn’t happen in pro sports, at least if your franchise isn’t run by complete morons (see the Oakland Raiders).

For a quick rundown, the Pistons have run through:

Rick Carlisle [That trophy was with Dallas after we fired him]

rick

Larry Brown [The good old days – Carlos Arroyo and McDyess in the building]

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Flip Saunders [My thoughts exactly]

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Michael Curry

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John Kuester

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Lawrence Frank

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Mo Cheeks [Fist pumping for that severance package]

mo

This move clearly marks the moment that Owner, Tom Gores, had seen enough and realized his demand of making the playoffs this season was in serious jeopardy. Is it time for him to dump Joe D as well? Mo Cheeks was Joe D’s guy. So were most of the guys mentioned above. At what point does he have to take ultimate responsibility for this clusterfuck of a team that can’t go .500 in a historically bad conference or draw more than 15,000 fans a game (per espn.com)? Their attendance is currently 4th worst in the league. For the record the 14.6k fans that they claim they are averaging is laughable. I watch Pistons games, and there is no way they have actually averaged that many people in the Palace seats. It feels more like 5,000 people a night.

For my money, I was never impressed with Mo Cheeks. The roster has talent but it clearly isn’t being used right. What is the game plan from here? Who even wants this job right now that will offer zero job security, with clear turmoil between management and ownership? The early rumor is Lionel Hollins, former head coach of the Memphis Grizzlies. I would be in favor of this. I watched that Memphis team closely the past few years and saw him turn a middle of the pack roster into a playoff threat. I think the whole NBA world is still a little confused by the Grizzlies decision not to renew his contract at the end of last year.

We will have to wait and see but here is to hoping Gores cuts tie with Dumars, signs Hollins as the coach, and finds a talented GM to come in and fix the problems. I’ll keep wishing.

Tribute to Walter Herrmann

Contribution by: A. Fletcher

Walter Herrmann, also known by his official NBA nickname, “Brady Bunch”, with a last known height and weight of 6’9” – 225 lbs., was a PF in the NBA for about 3 seconds. He was born in Santa Fe Argentina, but is of a proclaimed German lineage. Dude was an absolute all-star in Argentina, winning two dunk contests and bringing the Argentina national team to a gold medal in the 2004 Olympics. He won a couple MVPs in Argentina, then moved to play for a club in Spain, and won another MVP there. From Spain Brady Bunch was brought to NBA by signing a one-year deal with the Charlotte Bobcats. He eventually lands himself in Auburn Hills on a 07 Detroit Pistons squad.

I feel obligated to reveal how much he made in the NBA:

2006 – 2007: $1,800,000

2007 – 2008: $1,944,000

2008 – 2009: $2,000,000

This is the same Pistons team that felt Arron Aflfalo’s  $1,015,440 salary was too expensive…

The point of this column is not really about Walter Herrmann’s history, where he’s been or where he is at now, how much money he made, or that he looked very similar to Fabio…lol.

Herrmann v. Fabio

But more to highlight and pay tribute to this mans uncanny ability to pop 3 pointers and get to the hoop with more style than most successful NBA players (obviously Brady Bunch wasn’t successful).

Even if you don’t know who Walter Herrmann is, a.k.a. Brady Bunch, or what I call him, Walter Blaze, just give these videos a look see, you will appreciate the boss moves this guy made on a regular basis from 06-07 on NBA players, and then “somehow” left the NBA and went back to Spain.

In another couple weeks or so, I will find another random player to pay tribute to. Check back in.

Detroit Pistons vs. Dallas Mavericks – Live Take of the Action – 1-26-2014

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Detroit Pistons vs. Dallas Mavericks

Live Take of the Action – 1-26-2014

Contribution by: M. Jones

It’s the last Sunday in January which means football is on pause until Super Bowl weekend and network TV is in a lull until new seasons start of anything relevant (i.e. Game of Thrones, Homeland, etc.).  Given that, i have dedicated the next few hours to providing my live feedback and thoughts on the action in tonight’s Pistons game in Dallas.  The Pistons have continued to underperform and have slid down to 9th place in the East, which is just pitiful this year.  Joe D better be enjoying living the NBA GM lifestyle for another few months or so, because this is HIS roster and he should fall on the sword if they miss the playoffs.  After compiling an amazing core for the glory years about a decade ago, he rebuilt the entire team and it has fallen flat on his face.  Year after year, the head coaches have been the scapegoat and taken the fall.  Can the Pistons steady the train and get on a roll heading into all-star break in a few weeks?  That remains to be seen, but let’s start with tonight’s matchup and see how that goes.

Quick Game Notes: The Pistons have been absolutely embarrassing against Western conference opponents over the past few years.  They have only won 2 of their last 42 road games against teams who play in the West.  2 damn wins, that is insane!  That is less than a 5% win percentage, so needless to say the odds are against them.  The Mavs roll out a starting roster of Jose Calderon (hey Pistons fan do you remember this guy?), Monta Ellis, Shawn Marion, Dirk Nowitzki and Samuel Dalembert.  Not exactly the Dream Team.

For entertainment’s sake, let’s say i have some ‘theoretical’ action on the game.  The line leading up to game time is Detroit +7.0 points.  Hey, with that 5% win percentage i just couldn’t justify placing any action on the straight up W.  If the game goes south, i will be tracking that 7 point cushion hoping to get at least some reward for the efforts. 

First Update – 5:39 left in the 1st Quarter – Pistons 14 Mavs 19

Dallas is not missing early, shooting a blistering 82%.

Monroe got off to quick start with the first 6 Pistons points, and still makes me feel that he is not a guy we should be anxious to trade at the deadline. 

Dirk is still MONEY with the J.  This guy has an argument for one of the best PFs ever to play the game, or at least the modern game.  You simply cannot defend his fade away. 

Monta Ellis was a good pickup for the Mavs.  They were smart and waited patiently during the free agent season and were able to avoid overpaying him.  $8.3M for his scoring ability isn’t bad in today’s league. 

Josh Smith with an and one in the post!  Yes in the post, not at the 3 point line where he can’t seem to cross like it an invisible dog fence.  ….. Ok, within one minute he just  fired a 3 off the backboard and missed it.   May be a long game tonight at this rate.

Second Update – End of the 1st Quarter – Pistons 25 Mavs 28

Drummond’s raw talent is very obvious.  It pains me to see him airball a jump hook from 3 feet though.  He doesn’t have much touch at the rim. 

Bucket Man sighting with Singler entering the game, cleaning up nicely on a Drummond miss (after he did his best Shaq full court fast break dribble impression) to cut it to 1. 

J Smooth with another inside bucket, nice to see him looking focused and motivated tonight.  A quick 11 on the board.

Vince Carter with a bucket.  Carter used to be one of the most exciting players in the league, he was able to make the Raptors watchable which is saying something.

This Mavs roster is essentially Dirk and 11 guys who nobody else wanted anymore.  Carter, Marion, Blair, Ellis, Devin Harris and Calderon.

Third Update – End of the 2st Quarter – Pistons 46 Mavs 56 

Dirk with a debatable and 1 bucket early in the 2nd quarter.  He literally got fouled took 1-2 more steps and then went up.  That’s a loose interpretation of the continuation rule.  Come on man, I know it’s the NBA but that was on the floor. 

With a block, J Smooth moves to 6th on the list of active block leaders in the NBA behind Duncan, Garnett, Jermaine O’Neal, Elton Brand and D Howard.  Impressive company for him to be in given his position and age. 

How does Shawn Marion not get blocked every time he shoots the ball?  It looks more like a HS girls shot than an NBA player who has  made it 17 years in the NBA.  17 years, wow that is longer than I thought he has been around.

Talking all-time list updates, Blaha and Co. just hit us with a good one.  Dirk is now 13th all-time on the NBA scoring list.  That is not the active list, but actually the ALL TIME NBA list.  Impressive. 

Dallas has made a strong run in the middle of the 2nd to cruise to a commanding 12 point lead.  Come on Stones, at least cover the spread tonight….

Mo Cheeks looks content to keep a very small rotation tonight, with under 4 to play in the 2nd quarter only 7 guys have seen the floor. 

Dallas has cooled down in the 2nd as a team, but is still above 60% shooting while the Pistons are down at 40%.  Shot selection is the clear reason so far as the Mavs are getting to the rim and the Pistons are settling for jump shots, no surprise there. 

J Smooth stands at least a full step back from the FT line.  Weird, but I assume it’s because he has been throwing up so many bullshit 3s this year, it is now hard to shoot any closer. 

10 point deficit for the Stones at half on the road.  Jennings has been a ghost on the court with only 3 points at the break.  They are also not covering the spread at the moment.  Hope Mo Cheeks has an inspiring half time speech….I won’t hold my breath.  Maybe Rick Carlisle (Dallas coach) can step in and say a few words.  Glad we fired him, because he’s proved out to be a real bust as a coach.

borat-not-jb 

Leading scores at the half – Josh Smith with 16 (only one 3 point attempt) and Dirk with 13.

Fourth Update – Just under 9 minutes left in the 3rd Quarter – Pistons 57 Mavs 58

10 seconds into the 3rd quarter, Josh Harrelson replaces Andre Drummond.  Looks like Mo Cheeks is determined to win tonight….

Quick 6-0 run and it looks like the Pistons have some fight in them today.  After going to him early, the Pistons have gone back to Monroe and he has made a few nice plays in the 2 man game with Jennings.  BJ adds to the nice start with a 3 ball!!

11-2 run to start the second half and it has been cut to a 1 point deficit.  You can hear the excitement in Blaha’s voice. 

count_that_baby

Fifth Update – End of the 3rd Quarter – Pistons 81 Mavs 84

Jennings must have heard my criticism at half, as he has 12 points in the first 5 minutes of the 3rd quarter.  He is lighting up Calderon this quarter.

He is in control of the offense right now and is creating for others too with a nice dime to G Mo.  The Pistons regain the lead and erase the 10 point halftime deficit…only to give it away quickly, but you have to like the intensity they brought out of the locker room. 

On a side note, Blaha and Special K are the best local announcers in the NBA.  I watch a lot of games on NBA TV and other places that broadcast local coverage and it is not even close.  They have the ability to make a subpar game interesting. 

As I am watching closely, it hit me that nearly no players on the Mavs roster were players they actually drafted besides Dirk.  Calderon, Carter, Marion, Dalembert, Ellis, Brandon Wright and Devin Harris were all drafted by other teams.  Interesting to see they have been able to remain competitive without being able to develop another home grown star to play with Dirk. 

Pistons have stayed in this game with fast break opportunities and have tied up the score at 77 with about 2 minutes left in the quarter.  Josh Smith just took 4 steps and converted, the refs have the blinders on today for travel calls.

Devin Harris answers with a big 3 to push the lead to 5 with under a minute to play.  Luckily, Stuckey responded with a pair of free throws to cut the deficit to 3. 

Should be a good 4th quarter as the two teams look pretty evenly matched tonight.  Can the Pistons get their 3rd win against the Western conference on the road out of the last 43 (and cover the spread)??  Stay tuned…

Sixth Update – 6 minutes left in the 4th Quarter – Pistons 92 Mavs 101

Pistons still going with a small rotation tonight and I like it.  No wasted minutes for bench players, but the Mavs have run out to an 8 point lead in the first minutes thanks to a quick 5 from Vince Carter and some bad shots/turnovers on offense.

Mavs can’t miss to start the 4th.  Suddenly it is a 13 point lead for Dallas.  10-0 run will be hard to come back from, and this is starting to look ugly. 

The Bucket Man cuts it to 10.  He is earning that game check of $13K tonight.  But…the Mavs cannot miss a 3 point shot.  Not looking good half way through the 4th.  That fight I spoke of in the 3rd quarter may be fading.  Pistons have also missed 10 free throws tonight (just over 50%). 

Jennings coverts on an and one and is trying to will the team to a comeback himself.  Stuckey hits a bucket as well and cuts the deficit to 9.  Come on Stones, cover the 7 points for all the folks in Vegas right now!

Seventh Update – 5 minutes left in the 4th Quarter – Pistons 96 Mavs 101

Dirk goes to the bench for a rest out of the timeout.  Back to back Dallas turnovers and 2 quick buckets for the Stones to cut it to 5.  That is now a 9-0 run.  Quick timeout by the Mavs to calm the team down.  Maybe there is hope after all….

Eighth Update – End of the 4th Quarter – Pistons 106 Mavs 116

And as quick as I started to think this may be a close finish, the Mavs get two quick easy buckets to push it back to a 9 point game.  The Pistons after showing some signs of hope, look like they are going to collapse and fold down the stretch. 

Monroe is the only steady presence this team has on the offensive end, and chips in a nice low-post bucket.  Scared to think what our half-court offense will look like if Dumars deals him.  Don’t look now, but Jennings adds another nice 3 point play to cut it to 8 and the Stones get a much needed stop.  Only to fail at converting it because Josh Smith forces a bad shot….

And the last few minutes are just tough to watch and not even comment worthy.  This game is over and the Pistons let a competitive game go out the window.  They really just shit the bed in the 4th quarter and leave me feeling this guy who is ready to throw down with the pigeon.

Final Thoughts:

The lapses in defense and terrible shot selection at times led to their demise like normal.  That combined with some circus shots by Dirk and an efficient shooting performance by the Mavs was way too much to overcome tonight in Dallas. 

If they keep this up, the Pistons may find themselves sliding out of playoff contention all together. 

Final Notable Stat Lines: 

Detroit – Josh Smith – 25 points and 8 boards, Brandon Jennings – 26 points and 7 assists, Greg Monroe – 20 points and 9 boards

Dallas – Dirk – 28 points (on 10-16 shooting) and 9 boards, Jose Calderon – 17 points and 4 assists, Vince Carter – 13 points

Pistons Player Value

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Pistons Player Value

Contribution by M. Jones

I have always been fascinated by NBA contracts and evaluating if players are worth the money they receive.  NBA GM’s are considered to be some the biggest suckers when it comes down to paying free agents and ‘star’ players to come to their towns (with exception to the Yankees of the baseball world who are not subject to salary cap limitations).  My opinion has been fading on Joe Dumars, current Detroit Pistons General Manager. (https://motownmeltdown.wordpress.com/tag/joe-dumars-draft-day-analysis/) I wanted to see how his 2014 contracts (via Hoopshype.com) look at the current moment based on stat production (via ESPN.com) to determine which players are of the best value to the organization and the paying fans.   I developed a formula (Value to Date) that considers the contributions made per game based on average per game stats and the pay check received per games (82 game season).  The list below is in order from the most valuable to the least.

KEY:

M-Minutes, P-Points, R-Rebounds, A-Assists, S-Steals, B-Blocks and T-Turnovers

Net Contribution – Sum of points, rebounds, assists, steals and blocks per game, less turnovers.

Value to Date – The way this works is the LOWER (VTD) the number the HIGHER the value per dollar that the player contributes on a per game basis.  Calculated by dividing the per game salary by the net contribution.

[Information below presents the Value Ranking, Player Name, 2014 Salary, Remaining Years Under Contract and Per Game Salary] 

1 – Kyle Singler – $1,045,000 – 1 more year at $1.1M – Per Game $12,744

Stats – Games Played-39, MPG-23.8, PPG-8.5, RBP-3.5, APG-0.6, SPG-0.4, BPG-0.5 and TPG-0.9 – Net Contribution – 12.6 – Value to Date – $1,011

2 – Andre Drummond – $2,462,400 – 3 more years between $2.6-$4.4M – Per Game $30,029

Stats – Games Played-39, MPG-32.6, PPG-12.7, RBP-12.7, APG-0.4, SPG-1.4, BPG-1.9 and TPG-1.4 – Net Contribution – 27.70 – Value to Date – $1,084

3 – Josh Harrellson – $884,293 – 1 more year at $948K – Per Game $10,784

Stats – Games Played-28, MPG-9.5, PPG-3.0, RBP-2.1, APG-0.5, SPG-0.2, BPG-0.5 and TPG-0.3 – Net Contribution – 6.0 – Value to Date – $1,797

4 – Greg Monroe – $4,086,453 – 1 more year at $5.5M – Per Game $49,835

Stats – Games Played-39, MPG-32.3, PPG-14.5, RBP-8.8, APG-1.9, SPG-1.9 BPG-0.5 and TPG-2.2 – Net Contribution – 25.40 – Value to Date – $1,962

5 – Will Bynum – $2,790,343 – 1 more at $2.9M – Per Game $34,029

Stats – Games Played-23, MPG-18.8, PPG-8.5, RBP-2.0, APG-2.8, SPG-0.8, BPG-0.2 and TPG-1.8 – Net Contribution – 12.5 – Value to Date – $2,722

6 – Kentavious Caldwell-Pope – $2,653,080 – 4 more years between $2.8-$5M – Per Game $32,355

Stats – Games Played-37, MPG-24.3, PPG-7.3, RBP-2.2, APG-0.9, SPG-1.0, BPG-0.1 and TPG-0.4 – Net Contribution – 11.1 – Value to Date – $2,915

7 – Brandon Jennings – $7,655,503 – 2 more years between $8-$8.3M – Per Game $93,360

Stats – Games Played-37, MPG-36.1, PPG-16.5, RBP-3.3, APG-8.4, SPG-1.54, BPG-0.08 and TPG-3.2 – Net Contribution – 26.62 – Value to Date – $3,507

8 – GiGi Datome – $1,750,000 – 1 more year at $1.75 – Per Game $21,341

Stats – Games Played-21, MPG-7.7, PPG-3.0, RBP-0.4, APG-0.8, SPG-1.2, BPG-0.3 and TPG-0.2 – Net Contribution – 5.50 – Value to Date – $3,880

9 – Chauncey Billups – $2,500,000 – 1 more year at $2.5M – Per Game $30,488

Stats – Games Played-18, MPG-16.7, PPG-3.9, RBP-1.5, APG-2.2, SPG-0.4, BPG-0.06 and TPG-1.3 – Net Contribution – 6.76 – Value to Date – $4,510

10 – Tony Mitchell – $490,180 – 2 more between $816-$947K – Per Game $5,978

Stats – Games Played-10, MPG-3.7, PPG-1.1, RBP-1.1, APG-0.1, SPG-0.1, BPG-0.2 and TPG-0.2 – Net Contribution – 1.3 – Value to Date – $4,598

11 – Rodney Stuckey – $8,500,000 – Final year of deal – Per Game $103,569

Stats – Games Played-31, MPG-25.0, PPG-13.6, RBP-2.2, APG-2.0, SPG-0.9, BPG-0.2 and TPG-1.2 – Net Contribution – 17.52 – Value to Date – $5,911

12 – Josh Smith – $14,000,000 – 3 more years at $14M – Per Game $170,732

Stats – Games Played-38, MPG-34.9, PPG-15.3, RBP-6.9, APG-3.4, SPG-1.5, BPG-1.5 and TPG-2.5 – Net Contribution – 26.10 – Value to Date – $6,541

13 – Peyton Siva – $490,180 – 1 more year at $816K – Per Game $5,978

Stats – Games Played-13, MPG-5.8, PPG-0.3, RBP-0.6, APG-0.6, SPG-0.2, BPG-0.1 and TPG-1.0 – Net Contribution – 0.8 – Value to Date – $7,473

14 – Jonas Jerebko – $4,500,000 – 1 more year at $4.5M – Per Game $54,878

Stats – Games Played-26, MPG-8.1, PPG-3.6, RBP-1.7, APG-0.4, SPG-0.3, BPG-0.08 and TPG-0.8 – Net Contribution – 5.28 – Value to Date – $10,390

15 – Charlie Villanueva – $8,580,000 – Final year of deal – Per Game $104,634

Stats – Games Played-13, MPG-9.1, PPG-4.8, RBP-1.6, APG-0.4, SPG-0.2, BPG-0.3 and TPG-0.5 – Net Contribution – 6.8 – Value to Date – $15,387

At the end of the day, it looks like the ‘bucket man’ is the most valuable player on the roster based on how much the paying fans are donating to the team. 

Oh, and Charlie V we see you failing all the way at the bottom.

To make the data above comparable across the league, i scanned the NBA and decided to compute a few more.  Some good values out there, and it looks like anywhere under $6K or so is usually a pretty strong value for a team.  And for fun i had to have Ben Gordon (yes Joe D gave him that deal).

Player Team 2014 Salary  Per Game Salary NC  VTD
1 Michael Carter-Williams Philadelphia $2.2  $26,841 29.07  $923
2 Paul George Indiana $3.3 $40,024 32.53  $1,230
3 Avery Bradley Boston $2.5 $30,627 19.99  $1,532
4 Klay Thompson Golden State $3.3 $39,575 24.1  $1,642
5 Kyrie Irving Cleveland $5.9  $72,144 29.43  $2,451
6 Kevin Love Minnesota $14.7  $179,194 41.14  $4,356
7 James Harden Houston $13.7  $166,692 32.69  $5,099
8 Kevin Durant Oklahoma City $18.8  $228,941 42.63  $5,370
9 Joe Johnson Brooklyn $21.5  $261,789 21.73  $12,047
10 Ben Gordon Charlotte $13.2  $160,976 7.45  $21,607

 

AINT NO PARTY LIKE A DETROIT PARTY, CAUSE A DETROIT PARTY DONT STOP

Contribution by M. Jones

Recently I received a request from a fan of the blog named Scott M. who supplied an idea for a new post.  The idea was simply – If you had to party with one Detroit athlete, who would it be?  I thought about it, and many bud light platinums later, made the idea come to real life Pinocchio style.  Given that we are the Motown Meltdown and I have dedicated recent posts to national basketball topics, i said simply – ‘Fuck it, I’ll do it live!’ [See video below for reference]

*I suggest enjoying the whole video, but the 1:00 minute mark is where it heats up

Starting with the rosters of all the major teams, i was able to cut it down to 24 people.  Given the un-tournament-friendly number, i decided 8 people (2 from each team) get a bye automatically based on merit in a celebrity death match style breakdown. [Each player listed includes the person’s most likely drink of choice]

Byes:

1 – Todd Bertuzzi – Detroit Red Wings – A no brainer, Todd is an OG.  From the missing teeth proving he parties hard as hell, to the bad ass aggression he shows on the ice.  Just a real easy pick here.  Met this dude in Nashville one day last summer for a bachelor party at a bar and he was a boss rocking a Jimmy Hendrix tee.  Pounded a few brews, took pictures with the bachelor and even offered some of his grizzly tin to the crew.  An early favorite to go deep into the tourney. – Jack Daniels

2 – Miguel Cabrera – Detroit Tigers – This man was bold enough to get pulled over on a DUI and THEN take a pull in front of the cop.  As long as he keep pulling the ball 400 yards over the outfield wall, no harm done in my eyes.

3 – Dominic Raiola – Detroit Lions – Drink of choice is an entire case of miller lite.  Dom can no doubt hold his own.  A ticking time bomb and very ready to regulate the party Warren G style.

4 – Victor Martinez – Detroit Tigers – Fully anticipating this guy to be a wild card, he may swing on multiple people before the night is over.  It doesn’t take much to get victor angry:

Imagine him with a fifth of Avion in his system.

5 – Brandon Jennings – Detroit Pistons – Jennings definitely brings the aggressiveness to the party.  He was punched out by The Game (rapper) before this past season in a confrontation at a bar in Cali. Who doesn’t want to see a good drunk fight? – Hennessey

6 – Johan Franzen – Detroit Red Wings – I am thinking this guy could drink a DANGEROUS amount of Svedka.  Step up to the plate bitches.

svedka

7 – Nick Fairley – Detroit Lions – Someone take his keys when he enters the door, Nick is ready to rage at all times.  He is likely to do something that makes the whole party stop and look down on him in disapproval, and then all of a sudden he will totally redeem himself – Drink of Choice is Patron.

dand

8 – Kyle Singler – Detroit Pistons – Everyone wants someone at the party they can group hate chant for being a puss.  Enter Kyle Singler. – Drink of choice: Sex in the Bucket (The bucket man puts a strange twist on the sex on the beach drink).

Elimination Round:

9 – Ndamukong Suh – Detroit Lions – Ready in case the cable guy or the Po Po’s show up.  He is not willing to talk nice – Soco 100 Proof.

24 – Phil Coke – Detroit Tigers – I said drink of choice, right?  Substance of choice exception…judges vote No.  Ok, Captain Morgan.  The party would vote him off quick.

Winner – After a weird amount of Soco 100, there is little doubt what this man couldn’t do.  In this matchup, he body slams Phil into a season long injury making Tigers fans rejoice for the 2014 season.

10 – Josh Smith – Detroit Pistons – Did someone mention The Game?  As The Game said in a song off his last album: ‘Red phantom, they say I look like Josh Smith from Atlanta
I do, hachoo, excuse you, that ***** look like me!’  Ahhh what a passion for the art of music. – Old English 40 ozs.  Playing his own game of Edward 40 hands.

23 – Andy Dirks – Detroit Tigers – This guy is the candidate for the one who will want to play acoustic guitar all night.  Eventually someone will JJ Jeff Jarret his ass though.

http://youtu.be/bT2o3Q7QCNc [Youtube would not let me embed, but i promise it is worth your time]

Don’t expect Andy to win this challenge or start in LF more than 80 games.  – Natural Lite

Winner – In a surprise upset, Andy pulls the upset and lulls the J Smooth to sleep with a ballad from Mumford and Suns before delivering the knockout blow.

12 – Joique Bell – Detroit Lions – Every party is better with some Naughty by Nature.  Joique is a spark plug and hype man for the party.  Hope him and V Mart aren’t partners in pong, with this kind of hype man Victor may swing on someone by 10 pm.  – Atwater beer, reppin the D hard.

22 – Gustav Nyquist – Detroit Red Wings – The wildcard of the tourney, with a name like Gustav a spot in the tourney is an easy decision.  Would be curious to see him and the mule go at it in a Svedka challenge. – Also Svedka

Winner – Do not underestimate the Svedka.  While Joique is celebrating, Gustav goes all villain in ’24’ on him and advances.

13 – Mikel Leshoure – Detroit Lions – This one’s for all the smokers.

mm

Mikel is sipping water all night but on Mars at the party.

21 – Andre Drummond – Detroit Pistons – Doesn’t seem like a great person to party with but he brings the celebs and TMZ coverage with his ICarly connection.

dre

The physics of the intercourse for that relationship just aint right. – Busch Lite (He’s under age and Sheed bought his booze for him)

Winner – Andre hits curfew and has to go home.  Mikel is rollin until the sunrise onto the second round.

15 – Luigi Datome – Detroit Pistons the ‘Mr. Steal Yo Girl 2014’. GiGi is gonna bring the hoes no diggity. – Wine

20 – Justin Abdelkader – Detroit Red Wings – Not far removed from the campus over in East Lansing.  That gets the young gun a spot on the list.  Can’t wait to see what he lights on fire. – Keg beer directly in the gullet, college style.

Winner – Although Gi got the hoes, Justin has the younger kidneys and prevails.

16 – Joseph Fauria – Detroit Lions – Another wild card to the mix.  The white guy who will dance like a maniac to all the jams.  I bet he knows every move to the cupid shuffle and the cha cha slide.  – Moonshine

19 – Will Bynum – Detroit Pistons – Just to piss people off in pong as Will ‘The Thrill’ refuses to stop shooting or dropping the ball in his own cup (known as the pong turnover) – Margaritas, hey he is a tiny guy.

Winner – As Fauria is celebrating, not realizing his year is falling to complete shit….pause, stop lions rant, continue….Will wins just to keep pissing readers off.

17 – Nate Burleson – Detroit Lions – The calm presence at the party, until the digornos pizza is ready.  At that point, stand clear all bets are off. – Sailor Jerry’s Rum

18 – Charlie Villanueva – Detroit Pistons – In case the crowd gets bored of taunting Singler, Charlie V is in the wings.  You know this dude is into some weirdddd shit. – Smirnoff Ice, he doesn’t know why everyone keeps laughing at him.

Winner – Charlie V is winning the battle until the party, on cue, turns on him in chorus for an epic ‘hate’ chant.  Flawless victory and Nasty Nate moves on closer to pizza time.

18 – Don Kelly – Detroit Tigers – The utility man at the party.  Weird he keeps asking where Jim Leyland is, right?  Must be a real security blanket to him.  This guy can do many things including; drive everyone to taco bell at 2:30 am, clean up after the party and hit .220. – O’Douls

19 – Durham, Kris – Detroit Lions – The back up for Donny Kelly Baby for the T Bell run in case he is faking a buzz of the O’Douls. – Burnetts

Winner – This is the battle of mediocrity.  In a stunning twist of events, there is a double knockout.  Both people fall simultaneously…and in steps KID ROCK.

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Wow with that double elimination knock out, what will happen?  In the spirit of the MTV real world challenge show the show must go on.  Celebrity shot in the truest form. The man from the Motown, who has undoubtedly made some chicks meltdown, kicks in the door ready to step up! – Bad Ass Beer

Sweet 16

1 – Todd Bertuzzi – Detroit Red Wings

69 – Kid Rock 

Winner – Todd was cruising into the second round before the double knockout.  After that happened all bets were off.  Eventually Kid Rock starts singing country music and loses the still heavy pistons and foreign red wings/tigers crowd and momentum shifts to Bertuzzi who moves on. 

2 – Miguel Cabrera – Detroit Tigers

17 – Nate Burleson – Detroit Lions

Winner – Nate approaches Miggy in a friendly manner and offer to shake his hand, in a second Miguel backhand smacks him and calls him a ‘mericon’.  Nate will not get his pizza at this party.  Miggy moves on.

3 – Dominic Raiola – Detroit Lions

19 – Will Bynum – Detroit Pistons

Winner – After will the thrill has annoyed the entire party, Dom stone cold stunners the most annoying party guest into a victory.

4 – Victor Martinez – Detroit Tigers

20 – Justin Abdelkader – Detroit Red Wings

Winner – It was a nice run by the young gun, but V Mart is too wild for me to kick out of the party right now.  He and Miggy are on a Latin American collision course. 

5 – Brandon Jennings – Detroit Pistons

13 – Mikel Leshoure – Detroit Lions

Winner – Although Jennings can barely stand, the party finds out that Leshoure went to taco bell with DK and Durham once they woke up and he is eliminatedThat commercial for the stuffed nachos looked so good, on a side note they are F’n delicious.

6 – Johan Franzen – Detroit Red Wings

22 – Gustav Nyquist – Detroit Red Wings

Winner – And the Swedish showdown we all wanted begins.  By the end of the half gallon of Svedka it is a real shit show.  The crafty veteran screens the beer pong table and then quickly moves, Gustav runs through the table and loses the match after ejection by V Mart.

7 – Nick Fairley – Detroit Lions

23 – Andy Dirks – Detroit Tigers

Winner – What the hell?  Who gave Dirks another guitar? Does he have an amp too?  God damnit.  Fairley goes for the headshot and misses into the shark tank and has to undergo concussion tests.  By default, Andy moves on.

8 – Kyle Singler – Detroit Pistons

9 – Ndamukong Suh – Detroit Lions

Winner – No explanation needed, Singler tries to confuse suh by asking him the cosign of X and then there’s a Donkey Kong smash.  Hey at this rate, the police are probably coming so we need all the enforcers we can have.

Quarters

1 – Todd Bertuzzi – Detroit Red Wings

9 – Ndamukong Suh – Detroit Lions

Winner – A true battle in the trenches.  Eventually the cops finally show up, Suh confronts them starts stomping innocent people and is arrested.  Victory for Todd.

2 – Miguel Cabrera – Detroit Tigers

23 – Andy Dirks – Detroit Tigers

Winner – There is no doubt in my mind, a drinking challenge between these two has occurred previous to this day.  Andy is now out of guitars and creating instruments out of brooms and household tools McGruber style.  All of a sudden, as the refs back is turned in true WWF fashion, Dave Dombroski hits Dirks with the steel chair and Miggy moves on.

3 – Dominic Raiola – Detroit Lions

6 – Johan Franzen – Detroit Red Wings

Winner – Raiola is now a case deep and Johan a half gallon in.  A very drunk scene is occurring.  Kid Rock wakes up and goes back into ‘Bawitaba’ and shit hits a dangerous level.   Franzen hits Dom with a big right hand and game over.  He finds a spot into the semis.

4 – Victor Martinez – Detroit Tigers

5 – Brandon Jennings – Detroit Pistons

Winner – Jennings is now declaring himself king of the world, but V Mart don’t play those games and taps him on the shoulder with a distraction asking him ‘is that the Game over there?’  Jennings turns around shook and gets knocked out.  V Mart is making a serious run at the finals.

Semis

1 – Todd Bertuzzi – Detroit Red Wings

4 – Victor Martinez – Detroit Tigers

Winner – After a night of bullying the crowd, Bertuzzi tosses in a fat chaw and steps to the man who is yelling at him in gibberish.  Todd goes at his knee and finds V Marts weakness.  After applying the Ken Shamrock leg twist, he advances to the finals. 

2 – Miguel Cabrera – Detroit Tigers

6 – Johan Franzen – Detroit Red Wings

Winner – Rod Allen shows up to interview Johan.  Johan, very drunk and confused, is distracted and Miggy pulls out the bat. Let’s Rod toss him a few softballs and hits a HR to center field.  Then he walks the bases and stares down Bertuzzi.

Finals

1 – Todd Bertuzzi – Detroit Red Wings

2 – Miguel Cabrera – Detroit Tigers

Analysis:

Let’s look at these guys’ track records –

Cabrera when arrested in 2011 allegedly told a sheriff deputy to “(expletive) shoot me. Kill me,” after being instructed to drop to his knees.  This guy does not give one single fuck.

Bertuzzi when charged in 2004 with assault – If the case would have gone to the Supreme Court in Canada (which has to be an odd place) the charge could have carried a maximum 10-year prison sentence. It did not, so luckily we have Bert on the ice currently.

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Both guys do not care about a court room or jail cell clearly.  On a side note, after reviewing the cases again it really is amazing how easily sports fans forgive complete maniacs as long as they are good on the field/ice.

After all the classic battles above, it comes down to this, who is the best star of the two?  Well, hands down it is Miggy.  Cabrera will go down as one of the best players in his sport of all time.  With that comes great stories and entertainment for hours at a party, even if we all need a translator to understand his punch lines.

ULTIMATE PARTY CHAMP: MIGUEL CABRERA

Joe D’s Draft History

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Joe Dumars Draft History Analysis

Contribution by M. Jones

For my first contribution, i decided it was time to start a discussion and evaluation around everyone’s favorite General Manager.  I am talking about the man who wore the Pistons white, blue and red for 14 years and helped lead the Bad Boys to back to back titles: Joe D.  For the past few years many pistons fans have been critical of the man as the pistons have slid deeper into the NBA cellar and turned into an annual lottery pick waiting to happen just to lose to the son of the man who now truly runs the D, Dan Gilbert.  I won’t get into the legitimacy of the lottery and my gut feeling that the NBA is rubbing the Cavs nuts for the whole LeBron debacle by just happening to draw that top pick repeatedly, we can revisit that in a later blog as the draft approaches.  For now, my focus will be on evaluating Joe D’s draft history and his ability to draft and develop his picks over the past decade or so.

2003:

Darko Milicic (Round 1, pick 2);

Carlos Delfino (Round 1, pick 25);

Andreas Glyniadakis (Round 2, pick 58)

The draft where it has to start….the infamous 2003 blunder.

Carmelo, Wade, LeBron, Juwanna Man (Bosh) and even Captain Kirk.  Ugh.  Without a doubt, one of the worst mistakes by any GM in NBA history happened on this day when Dumars fell in love with a Serbian who had a great YouTube clip and ‘unlimited’ potential.  I can’t decide if i should move on or dwell on this dark day in pistons history.  Joe D was convinced this guy could become the key to many key victories down the road, and he ends up being no more than the human victory cigar.  In retrospect, there was a lot of debate at the time whether or not a guy such as wade or melo would gel with the incredible core Dumars assembled as Rip and Tayshaun were in the prime and Motown was rolling but fuck it, we all know the story i will move on.

And then you have Delfino who showed potential for a small part while playing with Detroit and then went on to contribute to a few non-contenders down the road.  Delfino is still playing pro-ball.  And then there is Andres.  Who you ask?? Exactly.  Dumars has demonstrated a complete lack of ability to find talent in the second round of any draft he has ever overseen as you will continue to read.  It was clear that in 2003, Joe D was going through a phase of foreign love like a sophomore female in college who is studying abroad and getting stuffed like a teddy bear in Paris.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2003:

After Darko at 2: Melo (3), Bosh (4), Wade (5), Kaman (Oooh Ahhh you wish you were a Chippewa caveman at 6), Hinrich (aka the NBA 2K create a player you have all made at 7) and David West (18).

After Delfino at 25: Kendrick Perkins, Leonardo Barbosa, Steve Blake, Matt Bonner (Ginger based god) and Kyle Korver.

Draft Grade – Clearly a big Fucking F to start off the show.

2004:

Rickey Paulding (Round 2, pick 54)

The draft after hoisting the championship, the Pistons draft picks were limited to one late 2nd rounder, and no real gems would have come from keeping their late first rounder.  (Another article on his track record with trades/free agents to come at a future date).  Rickey Paulding never panned out but Dumars had very little work with.  As a result, this year is not applicable for grading.

Draft Grade – N/A – Hey it’s better than failing after 2003.  Let’s move on.

2005:

Jason Maxiell (Round 1, pick 26);

Amir Johnson (Round 2, pick 56);

Alex Acker (Round 2, pick 60)

Back to a normal draft year for Dumars to evaluate.   Jason Maxiell.  The next Big Ben.  He’s only 6 foot 7 but he was going to learn from the man and become a force.  I have always believed that Dumars invested way too much time and MONEY in maxiell.  Dumars believed so much in the dude that he pushed him into a starter role years later and tried to keep convincing someone, anyone, that he was a good pick.  Well it turns out he wasn’t at all.

On to Amir Johnson, and the trend of Dumars trading guys he drafted before they developed.  Looking back now, Johnson was probably a steal in the 2nd round and probably the only one you will see on this list.  Too bad he’s hanging out in Toronto spending all his loonies and toonies on the new Drake albums saying ‘hell yeah fucking right doggie.’  And Alex Acker, yup i will move on again but hey he was the last pick so no big issue there.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2005:

After Maxiell at 26: David Lee (30), Brandon Bass (33), Monta Ellis (40), Louis Williams (45)

After Amir at 56: MARCIN GORTAT (57) YES THE POLISH FUCKING HAMMER

Draft Grade – A Firm D – …. At this rate Joe D isn’t getting that diploma

2006:

Will Blalock (Round 2, pick 60)

Similar to the 2004 draft, the Pistons draft picks were limited to one late 2nd rounder, and no real gems would have come from keeping their late first rounder.  As a result, another N/A. Side note, this was Joe’s first attempt to find someone that Mason could call Will ‘the thrill’.

Draft Grade – N/A

2007:

Rodney Stuckey (Round 1, pick 15);

Arron Afflalo (Round 1, pick 27);

Sammy Mejia (Round 2, pick 57)

The first important draft of the rebuilding era for the Stones that has fallen so flat on its face.  At the time, the catch phrase was ‘reload’ instead of ‘rebuild’ still but we all know the steep fall from this point.  Stuckey is a tough one for me to be critical on.  I was very high on this pick from day one and always thought he was going to prove everyone wrong.  A high volume scorer at a time when the pistons core could not register 100 on the big board on the Palace with an aging Rip Hamilton.  The reason that this pick eventually fell flat was the belief that Stuckey was a star on a good team down the road and not a 5th/6th man on a good team in the long run.  Still have a gut feeling that if Rodney can escape Auburn Hills in the next 1-2 years, you will see a resurgence for him and he will live up to expectations more than he has.

To take a step back, Stuck for his career has posted about 13.5 points a game and always shows flashes every week or two.  At the end of the day, the lack of ability to ever shoot much above 40% from the field and under 30% from long range are the stats that stick with you and prevent him from excelling.  Still not Joe’s worst pick, and definitely not since 2003.

Now onto Afflalo.  Damnit.  An all-American in his final year at UCLA and a gritty player who could contribute in many ways on the court.  And he was from Compton.  In a battle for Compton street credit, i would take afflalo over Tayshaun and his lanky ass arms and he even gets a shout out on Kendrick Lamar’s latest album.  Battle over.  Joe D finally hit on a late draft pick and he’s now scoring 20+ a game and making an argument for a 2014 all-star appearance in a uniform that is not the Detroit Pistons.  And Sammy Mejia.  C’mon man.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2007:

After Stuckey: Marco Belinelli (18), Wilson Chandler (23) the man was never the same after spending time in China with JR Smith, go figure.

Draft Grade – Best of the bunch so far from a pure draft standpoint with no great talent below stuckey and the decision to get Afflalo even though he blew his load later by trading him.  B+

2008:

D.J. White (Round 1, pick 29); [Rights traded for WALTER SHARPE]

Deron Washington (Round 2, pick 59)

Walter Sharpe played one season and averaged 1.0 points per game.  Wow.  Let’s move straight to how he messed this one up.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2008:

After the 29th pick: Nicola Pekovic (30).  Let’s expand on this one.  Did you know this man was a stand in for the Goonies movie?  Turns out he is a rebound machine and now one half of the big white machine in Minnesota with K Love.  Turned out to be a big fuck up, because we had Maxiell so we didn’t need a big man, right?  Oh and then there is DeAndre Jordan (35), Omer Asik (36) and Goran Dragic (45).  That’s 4 guys drafted late in the draft who are now very solid players and not to mention 3 are big guys which the pistons desperately needed until Dre came to town recently.  Just terrible.

Draft Grade – Even though 2nd rounders are tough to call this draft by Joe was pathetic.  The list of guys we could have had leave me with no option but another F.

2009:

Austin Daye (Round 1, pick 15); [Drafted BJ Mullens at 15 and traded for Daye who was at 30, also acquired Jonas]

DaJuan Summers (Round 2, pick 35);

Jonas Jerebko (Round 2, pick 39);

Chase Budinger (Round 2, pick 44) – Traded to Houston for hand job and a smile.

And we continue on.  Joe Dumars clearly was trying to recreate the core he built that won the 2004 championship.  Austin Daye.  SMH.  Austin Daye?  DaJuan Summers played ok as a role player and then disappeared.  Jonas banged half of Lake Orion and Auburn Hills and then decided he wasn’t ever going to develop.  At least Joe D got than good ole’ fashioned in the deal from Houston.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2009:

After Daye via the 15: Tyler Hansbrough (16), Jeff Teague (19), Jrue Holiday (20), Ty Lawson (21) and Brandon Jennings (22).

Notable 2nd Rounders: DeMare Carrol (36) I think he sucks but he starts for the Hawks who own us this year, Taj Gibson (38), Darren Collison (42), Danny Green (47), Jodie Meeks (49) and Wesley Matthews (58).

Draft Grade – What the fuck?  A deep draft that could have resulted in Lawson and Green and we come out with nothing.  D.

2010:

Greg Monroe (Round 1, pick 7);

Terrico White (Round 2, pick 36)

Ok, so after years of absolutely failing Joe D is back in the top ten picks of the draft and has a chance to start again.  I still remember where i was for this draft and i still remember yelling at the TV begging for Joe D to trade up two picks to get DeMarcus Cousins at 5.  Fate fell into the pistons hands finally though on this day as Golden State topped even Dumars and failed hard by picking Ekpe Udoh at 6.  This is Dumars best pick to date in this review as the Moose has developed into a VERY good player.  I consider Monroe to be one of the most underrated players in the league today.  The man can do everything on the court well and is a knock down jump shot and a pistons playoff berth away from being an all-star.

But in all fairness, with a top 10 pick it deserves a deeper dive into who else could be sporting the Motor City jerseys on Sundays.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2010:

Gordon Hayward (9) – Still happy with Gmo at this point.

Then you see PAUL GEORGE (10) – Must have been the two first names thing.  But damnit, this guy is leading the Pacers to the best record in the land and he has developed into a top 10 guard in all of the world.  Damnit again.

Luke Babbit (16) – Terrible pick but Joe’s former apprentice (Hammonds) for the bucks but just still really funny to me that this guy went so high.  Milwaukee is the only team who drafts on our level year over year.

Eric Bledsoe (18) – Turned into a good player but still good with GMO.

Notable 2nd Rounders after Terrico: Lance Stephenson (40).  For the record Terrico has never registered even a single stat in the NBA.  Weak 2nd round besides Lance who is a starter for the league-leading Pacers.

Draft Grade – I still really like the Monroe pick.  If George wasn’t in the draft it would be an A, but i have to downgrade it to a B knowing we could have an elite wing player who is about to hit his prime in the next few years.

2011:

Brandon Knight (Round 1, pick 8);

Kyle Singler (Round 2, pick 33);

Vernon Macklin (Round 2, pick 52)

Well this is an interesting one for me.  I was a huge fan of the Knight pick on draft day and for his rookie season.  A one year college player who i thought could develop but he’s already off the roster in 2014.  For once we see Dumars getting some value in the second round with THE bucket man.  Singler is a solid contributor to the current team, even though the current record in nothing to brag about.  I think he will still be on the roster once things finally get turned around and i envision 20,000+ strong in the Palace chanting ‘bucket man’.  Macklin created some hype in the D League but still has never shown anything in the NBA so he is probably never going to at this point.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2011:

After Knight at 8 – Kemba Walker (9), Klay Thompson (11) DAMNIT, Kawhi Leonard (15), Iman Shumpert (17), Tobias Harris (19), Kenneth Faried (22), Reggie Jackson (24) and Jimmy Butler (30).

Notable 2nd Rounders after Singler at 33: Chandler Parsons (38) and Isiah Thomas (60).

Draft Grade – Was ok with it at the time, but who wouldn’t honestly take essentially any of those guys listed above over Knight (and by association Jennings) today?  Not many of you.  Thompson, Faried, Jackson, Parsons and Thomas would all look pretty damn good in the Stones uniform these days.  Given the fact that i thought Knight was a steal on draft day and he was later swapped for Jennings who can hoop, i will let Joe get away with a C+ here.

2012:

Andre Drummond (Round 1, pick 9);

Khris Middleton (Round 2, pick 39);

Kim English (Round 2, pick 44)

Finally a true bright spot.  Andre is one of the best centers in the league at a very young age and will only continue to develop.  Joe D hit the jackpot on this one and now has the piece he needs to build a contender once again.  Middleton and English are both already no longer affiliated with the Pistons, so i consider those wasted picks.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2012:

After Dre at 9 – After closer review of the 2012 draft after the 9th pick, it is clearly one of the weakest drafts in years.  Again a pure home run here for Joe D, which may have saved his job.

Draft Grade – A+.  Yes an A+, trust me the rest of the draft is terrible at this point.

2013:

Kentavious Caldwell-Pope (Round 1, pick 8);

Tony Mitchell (Round 2, pick 37);

Peyton Siva (Round 2, pick 56)

This is toughest to rate so far given that we are not even at the all-star break yet for the rookie season of the draft class.  I was surprised by the pick on draft day, but i have seen a few flashes from KCP that suggest there may be some light at the end of the tunnel here.  He is currently on a roster full of guys who shoot like they will never touch the ball again with J Smooth, Jennings, Stuckey and Will the Thrill.  Mitchell showed big flashes in summer league but is having trouble getting on the court.  Siva seems like he should see some time but the backcourt, like always under Dumars’ rule is log-jammed.  Still worth analyzing the early results to see if there was a miss here.

Notable players passed on by Dumars in 2013:

After KCP and 8 – It starts with Trey Burke at 9.  I watched nearly every game of his career at Michigan and was disappointed we passed on Trey Trey.  He has started to turn around a terrible Utah team, so probably a mistake here all bias aside.  Then you have Carter-Williams at 11 who has been lighting the NBA on fire and may be on the way to rookie of the year honors.  Can’t forget to give Timmy a shout out at 24 too, he is starting to play well for the Knicks and will benefit if they can ever rid themselves of the debacle that the resigning of JR Smith was this offseason.  Just watch out Timmy, this dumb asshole may untie your shoes in practice of straight-up bring the glock to work Gilbert Arenas style.  Probably too early to judge the 2nd rounders just yet, but no obvious misses at this point in time.

Draft Grade – B.  Outside of MCW and Trey, no obvious screw up just yet.  Let’s give KCP sometime before throwing Joe D under the bus AGAIN. 

Overall Consensus:

Overall there are definitely more failures than success stories to speak of.  And though I realize the drafts are crap shoots at times, there are successful NBA GM’s that are very effective and reload over and over just ask the Spurs.  Joe D has been on borrowed time for years now, but has hung on by throwing nearly a dozen coaches under the bus.  In this guy’s opinion, he has made more of a case for replacement than extension.  Tom Gores (and his hair) should be on the recruiting trail now unless some drastic happens.